Grief is a funny thing.
You have finally gotten used to it. You think you’re fine. You feel genuinely happy again, and remember them in good light.
Then it hits you out of nowhere in the gut so hard you can hardly breathe.
Today is one of those days.
These things aren’t talked about much because after time passes, we’re just supposed to get over it and be okay again. Everyone has the same response. I know they are trying to be helpful and sympathetic, but I don’t want to hear “You’ll see her again someday” or “She isn’t in pain anymore” again. Of course I’ve thought about those things, but to be blunt…it doesn’t help.
These anniversaries never get easier as time goes on. It gives me peace that my Gram is with the Lord, she talked about being with him from the time I was little.
But I have felt off track since she left this earth, and don’t know how to find my way back without her.
I wish I could just go to her house, or at least pick up the phone to tell her how I’m feeling…so she can give me her sweet voice of reason.
June 23rd used to be an ordinary day, and that changed 2 years ago and became very significant.
The sting never really goes away, you just learn to live every day with it. Most days are easy now, but days like today are not.
I will try to hold it together today, but I am human. And today I am not okay.